@Chicken_Hawk38: All i'm saying is that if you were a real psychic palm reader you would of made me wash my hands first.
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@stephenjmolloy: Wife: "I'm sick and tired of your walkie-talkie obsession. This marriage is over." Me: "You broke up there. This marriage is what? Over."
@WheelTod: [On date] Me: Duck! That's my wife outside the restaurant Her: What!? Your profile said "single dad!" Me: Exactly. We're a one dad family