@vexroid: All I'm saying is that the cheese grater wouldn't have 4 sides if they wanted you to wash it after EVERY use.
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@dru0887: When someone says “No Biggie”, I reply with “not since ‘97” and immediately break down crying
@electrolemon: i wanna see the masterchef jr deleted scenes that HAVE to exist of gordon ramsay calling a kid the c-word for trying to julienne a snickers
@weismanjake: One of the toughest parts of adulthood is figuring out how to stay friends with people who post too many selfies
@TheSharona06: [Divorce court] Her: I found his Twitter account. I want a divorce. Judge: He was cheating? Her: No, he was doing inspirational tweets.