@vexroid: All I'm saying is that the cheese grater wouldn't have 4 sides if they wanted you to wash it after EVERY use.
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@elle91: Everyone should own large grizzly bear in case they ever need to defend themselves against one.
@QwertyJones3: The only thing worse than finding a hair in your food is realizing that the person who prepared it has a bald head.
@KeetPotato: advice: describing someone's cupcakes as being "better than sex" is only a compliment if you aren't sleeping with them
@AbrasiveGhost: What did u do last night? Me: I drowned my swallows in whiskey Don't u mean sorrows? Me [covering tub of dead birds]: is that the saying?