@vexroid: All I'm saying is that the cheese grater wouldn't have 4 sides if they wanted you to wash it after EVERY use.
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@Ty_Schutz: Mailboxes were invented so you know how far away you can be in a robe before you look like a mental patient.
@murrman5: wife: it looks too tight me: it's fine, let's just go [ten minutes later paramedics have to cut my turtleneck off after I pass out]
@ilovepie84: My crazy neighbor claims she was robbed last night. I know she is crazy because I found all her medication as I was breaking into her house.
@LizHackett: ME: Why can’t I sleep? CUP OF COFFEE FROM 4 PM: I’ve put together a list of everyone who might be mad at you.