@JonasPolsky: All in favor of imitating Spanish women say "Aye-yi-yi."
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@markleggett: I casually mentioned to my cat that I've petted many animals in my time, and she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said "How many?"
@QwertyJones3: "Yes, I need to check in." "Sir, this is a burn unit." "Yeah, I got hit hard with a series of jokes about my mom, and I had no comeback."
@tsm560: [in bed] Her: Easy, cowboy. I'm not having unprotected sex. Me: No worries! Her: Where are you going? Me: To lock the front door. Her: ...
@Brianhopecomedy: They must have had a really good laugh when doctors realized that thermometers could be taken orally too.