@Underchilde: All life is precious. Unless you’re an accountant, then you welcome sweet death.
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@juliussharpe: I hate when my congressman emails me to "take action" on an issue. Dude, you're the one in congress, you do something.
@knot_eye: Dear Ad Agencies, Please stop using doorbells in your TV commercials. On behalf of dog owners everywhere, Thanks!
@ShittyComedian: No officer the joke's on you. That breathalyzer will never tell you how much acid I dropped tonight.