@totallyinatiff: All liquor stores are open 24 hours. When you have a brick.
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@SaraMansford: No, I'm not "lackadaisical", I'm lazy, which is the same only 3 whole syllables less.
@bammersacat: This holiday season, tell your kids the smoke detector is Santa’s camera and watch them clean their rooms like army cadets.
@weinerdog4life: I like to push the "stop time" button on the microwave and walk around in slow motion until my wife calls me an idiot.