@BassoonJokes: all my dance moves look like i'm trying to tell the guy on first base to steal second
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@peachesanscream: Women who say getting married was the best day of their life have obviously never had 2 Kitkats fall out of a vending machine by mistake.
@Storminika: During labour, nurse came up to me & said, 'How about Epidural Anesthesia?' I was like, 'Thanks, but I already picked a name.
@goodersuk74: Unless you fell off the treadmill and smashed your face open I really dont need to hear about your gym workout