@adamlucidi: All my exes are engaged, married, and/or have kids. I'm single. As far as I'm concerned, I've won.
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@liv_thatsme: (Boyfriend reaches for an old Target bag to line the trash can) Me: NOT THE NICE TRASH BAGS
@ppppolls: 30% of Republican primary voters nationally say they support bombing Agrabah. Agrabah is the country from Aladdin. #NotTheOnion