@adamlucidi: All my exes are engaged, married, and/or have kids. I'm single. As far as I'm concerned, I've won.
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@Brampersandon_: [zombie movie set] Director into megaphone: "We're about to start rolling. Look alive people!" *actors look around confused as heck*
@cee_ryan: My favorite thing to do at the library is leave browser tabs open with search results for "best way to clean vomit off a keyboard??"