@adamlucidi: All my exes are engaged, married, and/or have kids. I'm single. As far as I'm concerned, I've won.
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@shutupmikeginn: Using the domino's pizza tracker app seems like a great way to carjack someone you know isn't going to put up that much of a fight
@_troyjohnson: *loads dryer* Fitted Sheet: HE'S BURNING US ALIVE! COME, SHIRT! COME, PANTS! HOP IN MY BOSOM AND I WILL FORM A PROTECTIVE BALL OF MOISTURE!
@Cheeseboy22: We can't afford to take our kids to a corn maze this year so we're going to take them to an IKEA instead.
@leshnevsky: Any phrase can be banalized,by adding "if you know what I mean" at the end. EG: This morning my wife made me a ??tea,if you know what I mean