@adamlucidi: All my exes are engaged, married, and/or have kids. I'm single. As far as I'm concerned, I've won.
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@pleatedjeans: [blood bank] Doc inserts needle [turns around] YOU AGAIN! [vampire sucking on tube like straw] GO ON SCOOT [chases him from room with broom]
@iresurfaced: Dating a woman in 5 easy steps: 1. Be attentive 2. Don't be too attentive 3. Show interest 4. Don't show too much interest 5. Seek therapy
@Brampersandon_: KID: I'm starting to feel like I'll never find a Coke with my name on it MOM: Just keep looking, Dangquestrious