@BigBagOfScum: All my Facebook friends are starting to have kids. Better deactivate my acct. before they try to guilt me into liking pics of their aliens.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@XplodingUnicorn: Maybe there is no baby I'm starting to suspect my wife's been stuffing her shirt with an increasingly large series of hams Now I'm hungry.
@robyn_vo: People who say their migraine is going to be the death of them are totally right because I just killed a lady right after she said that.
@IdStandOnThat: My daughter just said, "Daddy, you're good looking & not fat like other dads." She's only 10, but we're headed to the BMW dealership now.