@BigBagOfScum: All my Facebook friends are starting to have kids. Better deactivate my acct. before they try to guilt me into liking pics of their aliens.
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@SuperTeeWhy: [A Dad about to give the birds & the bees talk] "Son, when-" *Watches son try to poke a Capri Sun for 35 minutes* "Know what, we're good"
@KevinFarzad: Every political Facebook status should start with, "First of all, I have no idea what I'm talking about."
@Robert_Beau: Mom asked me if I would pick up some things for her at the 'Dime Store', great, now I've got to go all the way to the 70s.