@BigBagOfScum: All my Facebook friends are starting to have kids. Better deactivate my acct. before they try to guilt me into liking pics of their aliens.
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@TheBoydP: Protip: If you're walking in your office taking deep breaths because someone made popcorn, don't forget to stop as you enter the restroom.
@Lisa_Laughs_: I'm not sure, but if I died in your arms tonight, that makes you a suspect. At the very least.
@GrandadJFreeman: *painting your nails* one hand : perfect. other hand : looks like a blind cat did it.