@LoveNLunchmeat: All of my best fantasies include a French maid. She cleans the house while I nap.
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@Tommytoughstuff: FBI AGENT: You’ll be put into witness protection ME: Can I be someone that has friends? FBI AGENT: No, it has to be believable.
@djdarrellripley: I'm the kindest, sweetest person you'll ever meet. However, if someone was having a seizure in my bathtub, I'd probably throw in my laundry.
@MollySneed: I can relate to Alice in Wonderland. She just keeps randomly eating and drinking with the hope that it might magically solve her problems.
@SamGrittner: *job interview* "Where do you see yourself in five years?" "Mirrors, puddles of water. Basically anything with a reflective surface."