@LoveNLunchmeat: All of my best fantasies include a French maid. She cleans the house while I nap.
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@mjkspeaks: [interview] Where do you see yourself in the next 5 years? Me: "OMG I'M NOT A PSYCHIC THE SIGN SAID NO SKILLS REQUIRED!"
@UncleDuke1969: *wakes up at the crack of Dawn* *instantly regrets drunk dialing Dawn last night*
@Laser_Cat: Look, I'm not saying he's a bad dentist. I'm just saying maybe you should check his references.
@leslid79: I wear my heart on my sleeve because if I wore it on my chest, it'd just get mustard stains on it.