@heymonroe: All of these time capsules I just dug up have bodies in them?
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@AbrasiveGhost: Scientist: a comet is headed for earth, we need a plan Me: howabout a big funnel S: why would that help M: u know, to like, guide it here
@olerunkbitch: I had no idea we were millionaires until I just saw my husband casually rip off 3 or 4 paper towels at once.
@edgarrants: My wife used to make meals that would make Martha Stewart jealous. Then she joined Twitter... Now I'm lucky if she buys cereal.