@heymonroe: All of these time capsules I just dug up have bodies in them?
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@JessicaValenti: Whenever I feel discouraged, I remember the words of my then-3 yr old after she puked carrots on the floor: “I’m gonna need more carrots.”
@Flattliner: People who drive very slowly cause me cognitive dissonance. They deserve to die, but appear less likely to do so...
@MarionDowling: BREAKING NEWS: A werewolf has apparently mated with the Loch Ness Monster. Please retweet to raise a Were Ness.