@RaynaTheGreat: All of your inspirational tweets make me want to track you down and pee on something you love.
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@FatherWithTwins: Welcome to parenting. None of the pencils in your house have erasers on them now.
@PantsDonkey: 1:5 people in the world are Chinese. My family has 5 people so its either my mom, dad, brother Colin or Ho-Chan-Chu. I think it's Colin
@david8hughes: [donating blood] "You're looking a little faint. Can I get you a drink?" "No thanks, I've just had like 60 of those strawberry Capri Suns."