@daveexplosm: All the guys in working out photos look like they're straining or in pain, but there's lots of pictures of me with cake and I look happy.
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@wife_housy: Hubs says when I drink I'm "too loud" and use too many "big words." WELL I'M SORRY IF MY VOCIFEROUS GRANDILOQUENCE BOTHERS YOU!!
@blaudiablogan: Sign at the gas station: "Bathroom is no longer available." I can't believe it. Even the Shell bathroom has someone.
@Momtoteens: Daughter just told me my hair looks good. The request for a ride will be coming in less than 10 minutes.
@slaughthie: Whoever speaks at my funeral will probably just look over at my casket and say "well, she was always kind of like this."