@daveexplosm: All the guys in working out photos look like they're straining or in pain, but there's lots of pictures of me with cake and I look happy.
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@dafloydsta: ME: Hey they're playing our song. HER: This isn't our song. ME: [turning up "Go Your Own Way"] Yes it is, Karen. I want a divorce.
@just1fool: Since I live my financial life under water I decided to put a "Beware of sharks" sign in my front yard.
@Shock_Monster: I get nervous about DM's asking if it's me in video because: 1. I drink. 2. I sometimes dance when drunk. 3. I'm always white when I dance.