@daveexplosm: All the guys in working out photos look like they're straining or in pain, but there's lots of pictures of me with cake and I look happy.
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@girlontapas: They say old habits die hard... My ex was an old habit, here’s to hoping.
@WilliamAder: While I fully intended to "sleep my way to the top," it appears I've napped my way to the middle.
@RobDenBleyker: I'll never forget what my grandfather told me before he died. He said "Never forget what I'm about to tell you" then some story about corn.
@LuvPug: Unless someone tries to take a kneecap out with a crowbar, I have no interest in watching the Olympics.
@daemonic3: Here you go, Merry Christmas! "Dad, why'd you wrap our gifts in soft fabric?" Because I wanted to make- Mom: NO DON'T My presents felt
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