@torrami: All the kings horses and all the kings men probably feel like they're being grossly underutilized with that whole egg thing.
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@Vodkantots: As a Jew, I refuse to enter any steam room or sauna until I've seen other people come out.
@MarfSalvador: Boss: I expect total transparency from my staff Trevor: That's not always practic— John the Jellyfish: NO PROBLEM BOSS
@AaronFullerton: Hey cell phone companies, I can't think of a more terrifying selling point than "Unlimited Talk."
@truegritrumble: ME: *holding 6 puppies* YOU TOLD ME YOU WANTED TO ADOPT! SPOUSE: Children. I want to adopt CHILDREN. ME: *defensive* They are our children.