@myles_morrison: All the people that tried partying 'til the cows come home, are either stuck at home with a cow or dead from alcoholism.
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@MomOfTeen: Twitter has ruined me. Just wrote "we'll deliver your load on time" for a transportation client and broke into peals of laughter.
@murrman5: "fine! leave me because I talk like I'm in a novel but you aren't taking the kids, he exclaimed"
@david8hughes: Army guy: sniper in the clock tower, 6 o'clock Me [seeing the time on the clock tower says 5 o'clock]: we'll worry about him in an hour then
@ClassyKentucky: T: Have you done your homework? S: You graded my test? T: No I have other student's stuff to grade S: I have other teacher's homework to do.