@myles_morrison: All the people that tried partying 'til the cows come home, are either stuck at home with a cow or dead from alcoholism.
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@tat2dsoccermom: My boyfriend said he wanted me to be more affectionate, so now I have TWO boyfriends.
@birbigs: Why does my computer always ask me if I'm "sure" about stuff? Yes, I want to delete my hard drive.
@phalguy: Realtor: This house here comes with a playroom Wife: Oh, the kids will love that! Realtor: It's not that kind of playroom Husband: Nice
@heatherlou_: These people act like they've never seen a woman eat a whole rotisserie chicken before.