@myles_morrison: All the people that tried partying 'til the cows come home, are either stuck at home with a cow or dead from alcoholism.
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@ValeeGrrl: 4pm Me: How was school today? Kid: ... 6pm Me: Do anything fun today? Kid: ... Bedtime Me: Goodnight! Kid: Guess what happened at school?
@TwiCarlyGleeber: Girl likes 'boys with accents <333' on Facebook. I charge at her. "HELLOUGH!! I AM HELMUT, FROM RUSSIA. I WORK AS STRANGLER AT MEAT FACTORY"
@bridger_w: The story of George Washington chopping down the cherry tree is my favorite tale of honesty, integrity, and giving a child an ax
@StarWarsProblms: Kylo: I need an N to finish my favorite Vader quote. Han: This is SpaghettiOs, not Alphabet Soup. Kylo: Great. Now Vader says, "OOOOOOOO!"