@iRowlf: All the single ladies. All the single ladies. All the single ladies. Now put your hands up! Lol. But seriously, ladies. This is a robbery.
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@KizerBillhelm: Satan: Welcome to hell! You can spend all eternity walking barefoot across legos OR you can wear these crocs. Me: NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
@jwoodham: "Friends" ended 10 years ago today, but thanks to television, "me having friends" ended long before that.
@Shingaboop: Boss: Are you high? Me: You and I both know that I don't make enough money to have a drug habit.
@sexncake: I'm trying to become a vegetarian so from now I'm only eating seafood. Like lobster, prawns and drowned cows.