@TheOfflcePics: All the time.
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@towelforacape: People always say I make things sound sexual but I try not to pry them open and force my thick throbbing opinion down inside them.
@david8hughes: To the guy who just sent me a Snapchat of him putting his ketchup in the refrigerator, well done. You've made a powerful enemy.
@DurtMcHurtt: [eating an entire extra large pizza to myself] ME: *hears a knock on the door* THIS STALL IS TAKEN.