@kwirkyKerri: All these people on FB posting pics of their kids makes feel so blessed...I don't have ugly children.
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@TheTweetOfGod: The real reason David beat Goliath is that when David threw a rock, Goliath threw scissors.
@jonnysun: JEDI WHO INVENTED LIGHTSABER: ok its a destructive laser sword so maybe we shoudnt wear anythig too flowy JEDI IN CHARGE OF COSTUMES: …OORR
@jjax44: A summer getaway for women that date younger guys in the bathroom & want to learn to carve cantaloupe? John Cougar Melon Camp
@bridger_w: If you're burglarizing a home and the owner walks in, defuse the situation by saying, "I seriously love your place"