@simoncholland: All this data mining and Facebook still can’t tell me what to get my wife for her birthday.
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@Voiceofgarth: I got kicked out of the hospital tonight. Apparently the sign "Stroke Patients Here" meant something different.
@iRowlf: Can prisoners ask for The Olive Garden's Endless Pasta for their last meal? If so, I think I just found a loophole in our judicial system.
@Ygrene: [God Creating Dads] God: Ah, yes. Think I'm done Dads: Hi Done, we're Dads! God: Dads: God: *creates the adjustable thermostat*