@MarkAgee: All this "Kaine is boring" talk is your reminder that nowadays Abraham Lincoln would have to know parkour or some shit
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@seamussaid: I suppose you can take my cold dead hand when you pry it from my warm live one and charge me w/unlawful possession of human remains
@PaperWash: goals for 2016: 1) spend more time with my son 2) learn about his fav video games 3) defeat him 4) become video game household champion
@davidgrossTV: ME: I'll have the burger. WAITER: And how do you like your burger? ME: I don't know. You haven't brought it to me yet.
@ieatanddrink: I didn't post that copyright notice thing on my Facebook and I've already seen SIX of MY photos of me with my casseroles in BMW commercials