@blopt: The entire city of Detroit burned down last night. Estimated damage is $6.

@Jen_says_nah: *puts message in a bottle *stares longingly out at sea and throws it in *gets tazed and arrested for littering

@iGreenMonk: To Do List : 1: Buy 4 Pigs 2: Paint numbers 1,2,3 & 5 on their backs 3: Release them in Wal-Mart 4: Sit back watch Security search for #4

@NicestHippo: Symptoms of mental illness: -Hearing voices -Hallucinating -Complaining about how other people use their social media accounts

@Social_Mime: You dance like nobody is watching. I eat like that.