@kelkulus: All those years studying karate saved my life one night, when a man with a gun jumped out of nowhere and demanded I count to 10 in Japanese.
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@thepatrickwalsh: "Be there in 5," I text, though I am 30 minutes away, completely nude, and engaged in a fist fight with a neighbor.
@ValeeGrrl: At cardio class tonight, a 22yo size 0 told me "you run fast for someone your age" so now I have a body to bury if anyone wants to help me.
@mattingebretson: I hate when a grocery clerk judges you for what you put on the checkout belt. I found that dead cat behind YOUR store & now I want to buy it
@david8hughes: [wakes up & turns to wife] "I had a nightmare. You died." "Aw. It was just a-" "Let me finish. You died & I had to make my breakfast."