@thepatrickwalsh: "Be there in 5," I text, though I am 30 minutes away, completely nude, and engaged in a fist fight with a neighbor.

@ValeeGrrl: At cardio class tonight, a 22yo size 0 told me "you run fast for someone your age" so now I have a body to bury if anyone wants to help me.

@mattingebretson: I hate when a grocery clerk judges you for what you put on the checkout belt. I found that dead cat behind YOUR store & now I want to buy it

@david8hughes: [wakes up & turns to wife] "I had a nightmare. You died." "Aw. It was just a-" "Let me finish. You died & I had to make my breakfast."

@Parentpains: I wanna be the reason you get out of bed in the morning, even if it is to make sure the door is locked.