@GianDoh: All toilet seats can be heated toilet seats if you push people off them and sit real fast.
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@Phook75: The upside to having kids is how you're able to use them as an excuse to cancel unwanted plans
@MBittersweet25: Every time my Father in law gets trashed, he asks if I've lost weight... So naturally I bring a bottle of scotch every time we visit.
@Donna_McCoy: Growing up, my weather app was a window. Now I need two forecasts and a radar map just to decide how I should do my hair.
@topshelftyson: *makes a series of careless mistakes that are clearly my fault* Mercury in retrograde again I see