@DurtMcHurtt: All units be on the lookout, suspect is armed with hunky shoulders, soft eyes and dreamboat hair. I don't even remember what he did anymore.
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@markleggett: Whenever a woman tells me that she just wants to have a good time and sleep with me, I say "You can only pick one."
@blade_funner: Me: [talking to millenials] When I was your age, dragons roamed the earth. Magic was real. There were only three Star Wars movies.
@charstarlene: I can't wait to get married and communicate my disdain solely through aggressive dishwashing.