@chrisanna4real: All women really want is to be treated like you treat your iPhone.
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@daemonic3: Mr. Trump, what will you do as President? TRUMP: I'll outlaw shredded cheese and only sell blocks Why? TRUMP: To make America grate again
@IdoNotPoo: It's all fun and games until you find the Twitter crush who catfished you is infact your husband
@gorrdano: If you're going to attack me in an @, you better be prepared to give me like three hours or so to think of a good comeback.
@runolgarun: I realized I was an adult when I almost bought napkins instead of taking a wad of free ones from Chipotle. Almost.