@david8hughes: All you dads out there couldn't hold a candle to my dad. He's petrified of candles.
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@jdbalani: The self checkout lane was probably invented by a guy who was sent to the store to buy tampons.
@JosesLovesYou: *barges into bank with guns drawn Alright everyone now be cool and no one gets hurt! *hands out sunglasses all around Nice. Nice.
@Bryainiac: I don't know why they are called smart phones, I dropped mine in the toilet and it didn't even try to get out.
@jenlaw_11: Mom I'm running away! No I don't need a jacket! Mom no I'm fine I don't need a jac- mom! No I don't need you to pick me up later mom! MOM!