@IncrediblyRich: All you people who chose "The Real" or "Official" before your Twitter handle really thought ahead of the game there. Well done, guys.
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@luvmyADHD: When I die I really hope that as a ghost I can travel and not be stuck in one place. I have people to scare and some I want to see naked.
@Breadery: *Approaches girl at bar* Brain: Say you like her eyes. No, hair. Actually, go for eyes! Me: You have lovely hairy eyes Brain: My bad.
@BuckyIsotope: *shows up to date with broken nose* "What happened?" Hurt myself playing football "How?" Threw the controller at a wall and it bounced back
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: How dilated is she? Nurse: 4 centimeters. Me: This is America. Nurse: 0.000198838 furlongs.