@HenpeckedHal: Alligators can survive for 2-3 years without eating. My personal record is 16 minutes.
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@sofarrsogud: SON: *in James Bond costume* Look Daddy, I'm a spy! ME: Well if that's how you introduce yourself, you're a really shit one.
@TheAlexNevil: Insomnia: Hi Me: Hi I: Hope I'm disturbing you M: You are I: You know what we could do? M: Let me sleep? I: HA, no, let's think about hippos
@justabloodygame: "I didn't choose the thug life." I explain, entering an institution of higher learning.
@SabineDurrant: So touched by the kindness of my teenage son. Another lighter at the bottom of the washing machine that has been looked after for a friend.