@HenpeckedHal: Alligators can survive for 2-3 years without eating. My personal record is 16 minutes.
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@dizzydes86: Everybody always says they want a fairytale wedding, but when I show up and curse their newborn, suddenly I'm a jerk.
@ShanaRose21: I can never find my cars keys but I won't forget that time you checked out another woman at the mall four years ago.
@MaraWritesStuff: "You kids and your smartphones, when we were your age we just dealt with having nothing to do with our hands." *Lights another cigarette*