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@LostBrainwaves: Alligators gonna alligate
@lawblob: [the boss walks by my desk and catches me looking at sonic anime]
Me: the hackers are at it again. I was trying to visit church. com
@LuvPug: God's son died single, but he'll help you find your match on Christian Mingle.
@DannyDutch: To someone this means ‘A new start’. To everyone else, it doesn’t.
@kellyoxford: Cyclists who don't obey street signs should have to wear their google search history on a t-shirt.
BRO [jumping into car]: GO
ME: it's lunch, not a bank heist
B: they put EXTRA CURLY FRIES in the bag
M: OMG I'm too pretty for jail