@slimmy_shady: Almost arrived at work when my kid asked "Where're we going?" Who the hell did I just drop off at school?!
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@House_Feminist: "They say some of history's greatest minds could function on very little sleep" I explain to squirrel as I water the car at 4am
@PlainTravis: Co-Worker: Any of you ever smoke a turkey? Me: No, I always have trouble finding papers big enough to roll it in.