@slimmy_shady: Almost arrived at work when my kid asked "Where're we going?" Who the hell did I just drop off at school?!
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@junejuly12: Me: Maybe shouting "harder baby" during CPR training was not a great idea. Security Guard: Keep walking. Stop talking.
@QwertyJones3: FRIEND: Thanks for letting me stay here while I'm in town ME: No problem FRIEND: Do u have a Waffle House nearby? ME: No they're all wood
@JasonLastname: Once a marine, always a marine. Even if you're now working at Subway. You're a submarine.