@Cheeseboy22: Alright, time for a Twitter spelling bee! First word: "their", meaning "belongs to them." Alright, that only leaves 14 of you left standing.
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@1Happytwit: My ex told me that Gaga's "Bad Romance" song reminds him of me. Now I'm glad I dumped him. What sort of idiot admits to listening to Gaga.
@geo_teira: [at a restaurant] Me: uhm. This plate is broken and the food is all spread out. Waiter: yes ma'am, that's the continental drift breakfast.