@newschannelnine: Also, kids? Don't DM us pretending you are some school official cancelling school. Closings don't work like that. & we're not that dumb.
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@MartaEffing: [1st day in heaven] God: Welcome! Have a taco and a shot of tequila. Do you like music? Me: Yeah. G: How about a little, *giggles* Nirvana?
@nimble__nick: Dog: [Barks at the mailman] Human: Bad dog. Dog: [Turns to the camera] My human hates bills, yet gets mad when I try to scare the guy off.
@QwertyJones3: The only thing worse than finding a hair in your food is realizing that the person who prepared it has a bald head.
@ladybroseph: Many said I couldn't crossbreed peacocks and flamingos. Yet, I stand here today with my beloved flamingcocks as an inspiration to our youth.