@newschannelnine: Also, kids? Don't DM us pretending you are some school official cancelling school. Closings don't work like that. & we're not that dumb.
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@RobElliottComic: Mr. Buffalo: I caught my son making out with a girl Me: SWEET! Mr. Buffalo: And a boy Me: So, I guess you could say he's your... Bi-son
@AndyAsAdjective: [texting] you mean the wolf to me -wolf? ha! autocorrect fail! -lol what i meant to say was...you're a mean wolf to me
@mrtruthandsoul: Breaking News: Scientists clone a new hybrid cantalope and cauliflower. "We call it the melon-cauli," says Dr. Noah Lot of OMG I'm so sorry