@StinkyGr33n: Also, those little Swiss Army knives are great when you need a tiny pair of scissors to open your Gummi Bears like some kind of crack head.
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@itsa_talia: my cat sounds so cute when he sneezes but i really wish he'd stop wasting the coke. it's like goddamn amateur hour with him.
@shkeeber: I can't diet because it would devastate the local fast food economy, and frankly, I just don't think I could live with that kind of guilt.
@Brentweets: Women are like squirrels, very cute from a distance but will fight when you try to pick them up and get them in your car.
@SteveKoehler22: IKEA furniture will now snap together will no tools or hardware. The company boasts that it will save thousands of h̶o̶u̶r̶s̶ marriages