@Muggernaught: Alway be nice to anyone that has full unhindered access to your toothbrush.
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@PaperWash: [wife gets home] did you feed the baby his spinach today? [me doing push ups] hell no I'm not letting that baby get stronger than me
@DillDoes: Sir it would appear that you have sugar poisoning "You mean Diabetes?" Ooh look at me, I'm a patient that knows all the diseases ooh
@OzCricketFan81: Take my daughter once, shame on you. Take her twice, shame on me. Take her 3 times, and you're ruining the franchise.
@thespacewad: If your parents say, "You can be whatever you want to be when you grow up", remind them that they'll have to die for you to be Batman.