@meganamram: Always a metermaid never a meter
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@MeganBaca1: Sitting behind a couple in this theater that's making out. I'm gonna lean forward and whisper "This is nice" in a minute.
@djdarrellripley: Her: You know, alot of men are going to be miserable when I marry. Me: Well how many men do you plan to marry?
@sploosk: INTERVIEWER: says here you were fired previously? ME: yeah, I tried putting pizza in the copier INTERVIEWER: [excitedly] did… did it work?
@AristotlesNZ: Txt my wife to ask if the gardener came & how 5yo's 1st day of school was. She txt back "He's naked on the couch". I'm afraid to ask who..