@9GAG: Always be yourself. Unless you can be Batman.. Then be Batman.
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@jwoodham: The year is 2087. Selfies are the new currency now and that annoying girl you went to high school with is the richest person in the world.
@iamspacegirl: [mouse plane] mouse pilot: hello folks, this is your captain squeaking- *mouse passengers squeal with delight*
@iwearaonesie: [hotel] wife: I'm gonna go change. Find us a movie, ok? *winks* me: Ok! *wife comes out in lingerie* wife: What'd you pick? me: Space Jam
@TommyWallace: [First date] okay just dont let her know you're a trump supporter Her: so what kinda wine should I get Me: haha white is always the best