@JohnLyonTweets: Always check the height of nearby ceiling fans before giving a toddler a ride on your shoulders. How I learned this rule is not important.
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@thetigersez: How do people know spiders are more afraid of me than I am of them? Like, did you ask him? Because only one of us is screaming right now.
@SuperApple8: If Ryan Gosling doesn't ask me to be his valentine, I'm moving on. This ship has sailed. This ball has sunk. This fart has flatulated.
@drewjanda: Son, your mother and I looked at your browser history. Frankly, it's not pretty. Do you for real need a walkthrough for Call Of Duty