@JohnLyonTweets: Always check the height of nearby ceiling fans before giving a toddler a ride on your shoulders. How I learned this rule is not important.
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@SkinnerSteven: That old expression: "hold the phone!" doesn't work anymore because everyone is already doing that
@sixfootcandy: Me:*Gently nudges your arm* Would you like to be my Valentine? Doctor: Can we discuss this after your colonoscopy?
@CelebrityChez: How long are you supposed to wait before you unpause the tv after your wife tells you she wants a divorce?