@robdelaney: Always have a fake name at the ready so you don't tell the cops something stupid, like "Andrew Granola."
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@XplodingUnicorn: Me: How dilated is she? Nurse: 4 centimeters. Me: This is America. Nurse: 0.000198838 furlongs.
@TomItUp: "Objection your honor, the defense is badg-" BADGERING THE WITNESS! JINX! You can't talk. *Judge gives a respectful nod* "Case dismissed."
@daemonic3: Can me and you go out sometime? "No, your grammar is too poor" Ok wow, my gramma broke af, but what that got to do with us?
@KalvinMacleod: Dave is coming over. Dave from work or loud and obvious Dave? Outside: THIS RAIN HAS MADE ME WET. I AM WEARING PANTS. MY EYES ARE BLINKING.