@robdelaney: Always have a fake name at the ready so you don't tell the cops something stupid, like "Andrew Granola."
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@alldrolledup: my ex: sometimes I forget why we ever broke up me: when you do that sigh thing I can hear your nose hair
@justabloodygame: [throwing a party] I invited Judas. That okay? "Judas from IT, or the guy who betrayed Jesu-" *loud knock* "It's the Roman legion. Open up!"
@sofarrsogud: WIFE: You know Hogwarts isn't real? It's just part of series of fantasy novels. ME: *chasing an owl around my garden* WHATEVER MUGGLE!!!
@beefman138: 3 : Daddy, can we watch Frozen? Me : Sorry, darling. We can't watch Frozen in the summer because all the characters will melt.