@robdelaney: Always have a fake name at the ready so you don't tell the cops something stupid, like "Andrew Granola."
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@robdelaney: Reminder: Please just hit the "RT" button on my tweets if you're ugly. Don't want people associating your busted face with my art.
@DaveWeasel: If you don't like the way you look naked, remember; by the time you have your clothes off, its the other person's problem.
@HomeProbably: If someone overtakes me when I'm walking, I match their speed so it looks like I've got friends.
@BlindChow: [aircraft carrier] *paints a T on the helipad* Captain: No it has to have an H Me: Why? *train sounds approaching* Captain: Oh dear god