@robdelaney: Always have a fake name at the ready so you don't tell the cops something stupid, like "Andrew Granola."
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@MoneypennyNaked: Apparently speed dating doesn't involve taking amphetamines. UGH. Worst night ever.
@cee_ryan: My favorite thing to do at the library is leave browser tabs open with search results for "best way to clean vomit off a keyboard??"
@FrauFickenDammt: A white man beaten with a wheel of Parmesan claims it was a hate crime. Cheese on cracker investigation begins.