@mattZillaaaa: Always hide you prescription bottles from your medicine cabinet so ppl don't know how crazy you are. Also, you're now out of xanax.
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@xLiserx: Lonely nights, we've all been here. Pretending to choke so someone hugs you. Pretending a jellyfish stung you so someone pees on you. Usual.
@FatherWithTwins: Me: Are you still wearing pajamas? Go change. 4yo: *Goes upstairs *Comes down wearing different pair of pajamas
@angibangie: Him: I love nerd girls Me: Cool! Did you know the human body can't feel water, only a change in temperature? Him: no. not like that.
@ChipKellysBalls: It should be a rule that if you're going to put you kid on a leash, you can't be mad if someone walks up, asks if they bite, and pets them