@pleatedjeans: Always live on the bottom floor it's further from heaven and harder for God to see you sinning
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@_SetTheHook_: I'm just gonna put an egg under my kid's pillows and tell them the Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy must've went out drinking the night before.
@megbada: I absolutely recommend falling in love with your twitter crush and traveling about 3612 miles to boink them.
@noog: Hand 2 toddlers a poisoned cookie and tell them not to eat it, then leave for a day. Some would call that stupid. The Bible calls it Genesis