@pleatedjeans: Always live on the bottom floor it's further from heaven and harder for God to see you sinning
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@trentistweeting: Bee Gees Songs: Saturday Night Fever Sunday Night Scurvy Monday Night Measles Tuesday Night Typhoid Wednesday Night Whooping Cough
@my_minivan_life: 8yo: Do we have a fire extinguisher? Me: Yes. 8yo: Where? Me:... 8yo: WHERE! 6yo: (from outside) It's spreading. Me: I'm up.
@TheBoydP: Not to brag but a girl at this party said I look like the Hulk, of course it was when I was turning green from drinking too much, but still…