@pleatedjeans: Always live on the bottom floor it's further from heaven and harder for God to see you sinning
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@NatePhilbrick: If other jobs got the same response as writing: -You're a fireman? Have you put out any famous fires? -You're a lifeguard? Can I be a victim in your next rescue? -You're a physicist? I have a few universe theories myself! -You're a chef? I'd do food too, but I never have time.
@TheCatWhisprer: *whispers to dog wearing a 'working dog, do not pet' vest* psst what time does your shift end?
@ddsmidt: Me: If you're going to serve alcohol at a company party, then you shouldn't act so surprised when someone speaks their mind. HR: Get out