@Only_Fast_Eddie: Always look both ways before crossing a woman.
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@chrisanna4real: I'm not self medicating myself with booze. The guy at the liquor store wrote me a prescription. Well he called it a receipt...whatever.
@karentozzi: Welcome to middle age, here's your card. You'll now have a favorite local weatherman and your elbows will never be pointy again.
@Ristolable: First date tip: let a photo of a dog fall out of your wallet. When she asks "is that your puppy?" say "No. That's my dad." Then storm off.