@sir_shithead_I: *Gets 20 Year High School Reunion Invite in mail* I'm not going to this shit, that's what Facebook is for. *reads 'open bar'* Aaaand I'm in.

@LionJenkins: [In a chair] Leans back Leans back Leans ba... [Ambulance]

@MrSandeepP: *offers Batman cough drops*

@StevieKnip: [accidentally hits Siri in high school classroom] Siri: what can I do for you, #1 God of Sex? [every boy in the class checks their phone]

@Book_Krazy: Hubs: * Hands me a broom* Make yourself useful Me: Flies away