@TheSnideOne: Always look for the girl with the ponytail holder on her wrist.
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@sir_shithead_I: *Gets 20 Year High School Reunion Invite in mail* I'm not going to this shit, that's what Facebook is for. *reads 'open bar'* Aaaand I'm in.
@StevieKnip: [accidentally hits Siri in high school classroom] Siri: what can I do for you, #1 God of Sex? [every boy in the class checks their phone]