@TheSnideOne: Always look for the girl with the ponytail holder on her wrist.
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@chrissyteigen: you get to give way cheaper gifts when you have kids. literally just take a pile of garbage and write “love, [kid’s name]” and no one says anything
@thedadonline: Prepare your kids for social media by putting their artwork on the fridge and writing a bunch of mean comments under it.
@Douchekevin: I got a call at work telling me my daughter missed period number 3. When I woke up in the ambulance it turns out it was the school calling.