@SergioValenCo: Always love a woman for her personality. They have like 10, so you can choose.
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@matt___nelson: Shoe store employee on phone w/ wife: "Yea honey I should be home just in time for dinner" *centipede walks in* "You've got to be kiddin me"
@JimmerThatisAll: If a woman asks you to buy her a flamethrower ask yourself some questions before you buy it.
@crunchenhancer: Never go to a combination dentist / proctologist..... but if you do, get the dental work first.
@mattZillaaaa: My friends definitely cannot handle their alcohol. Last night they dropped me 3 times carrying me out of the bar