@SergioValenCo: Always love a woman for her personality. They have like 10, so you can choose.
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@michaelianblack: The only thing that would prevent my wife from going to Pilates class would be if they invented a more expensive form of exercise.
@PaperWash: 6'5" guy: [starts a fight with me at the bar] me: [hides behind GF] GF: HEY, WHAT THE F- me: look, we need more strong female lead char-
@LuvPug: Ugh, stalkers are horrible. You'd think SOMEONE could've let me know I was out of toilet paper.
@shutupmikeginn: You gotta give it up to whoever invented mistletoe at Christmas, all they did was hang up a weed, but were like, "now ye must kiss me."