@SergioValenCo: Always love a woman for her personality. They have like 10, so you can choose.
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@HowToBeADad: Can you die from sitting on the floor to play with your kid, because I just tried to get up and it feels like you can die from it.
@pinupteacher: After seeing my dog scoot her butt across my rug, I've decided I need to up my break dancing game.
@noog: In current news: US: Stop that Middle East: Stop what? US: That Middle East: This? US: Yes that Middle East: This? America: OMG STAAAHP
@rockymomax: [prison] CELLMATE: what are you in for? ME: (actually in jail for jumping a fence to hug a panda) murder