@PanicRestroom: Always stand up for what you believe in, unless what you believe in is sitting down.
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@tkhan74: I've been calling my wife "honey" for 12 years because I don't know how to tell her I forgot her name.
@miliondollameat: me: wow the stars are beautiful gf: omg babe they really are me: u know who else is beautiful? gf: *blushes* who? :3 me: Harambe
@SequelsWeWant: 2001 A Space Odyssey 2 The spaceship returns HAL is just as uncooperative as ever. He never works. He becomes the basis for Windows 10.
@WheelTod: [Home Depot] Me: Hi, I'd like to return this toilet plunger, please. Cashier: I'm sorry, is it defective? Me: No. It worked great