@PanicRestroom: Always stand up for what you believe in, unless what you believe in is sitting down.
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@Heldinchains: You gotta wet it first, doesn't work dry. The wetter the better. -whistling you perverts
@Brampersandon_: ME: *packing my bags* WIFE: let's talk about this ME (still mad she didn't get the cereal with the toy inside): theres nothing to talk about
@ElliePeek: I feel like dry shampoo is the equivalent of unicorn blood for hair—it will keep it alive, but it will be a half-life, a cursed life...
@novicefather: QA Manager: And what is the protocol when an aircraft comes inbound with a suspected Ebola case? "WTF. Planes can catch this shit too?"