@neiltyson: Always wanted to call people who don’t like astronomy “Galactos Intolerant"
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@OhNoSheTwitnt: David Duke says Jews aren't white. Eric Trump says Democrats aren't people. So I guess today begins my new life as a purple dragon.
@Miss_MI_Kay: If you ever really want someone to call back, leave them a message saying, "I've got tickets to..." and hang up
@QwertyJones3: [kid watching an episode of The Flintstones for the first time] "They made a show based on vitamins? This is dumb."
@girlontapas: Of course everyone seems sexy in a nightclub. There's liquor and you can't hear them.