@SteveSuckington: Alzheimer's cop: do you know why I pulled you over?
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@XplodingUnicorn: Wife: Our daughter lied to me. Me: What did I tell you about telling the truth? 5-year-old: It's only for people who don't have lawyers.
@spikeWilton67: Me: I want to kiss you everywhere! Her: You mean New York, Paris & London? Me: Um, ya that's what I meant.
@stevemarriott: Mediocrites was not the greatest hero from Greek mythology, but nor was he the worst
@HandyJack420: The Dominos "tracker" says Ashley just left with my pizza so I only have a few minutes to get naked. Just glad it's not Brad... ...again.