@SteveSuckington: Alzheimer's cop: do you know why I pulled you over?
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@Kim_pulsive: Lorde wrote her Grammy nominated album at age 14. My son is 13 and has let the bathtub overflow twice while he was sitting INSIDE of it.
@GibJimson: [at pet store] Im looking for something cheap and will get people to stop coming over.
@kevnasto: I just called up the phone company and put em on hold. Every 5min i come on an tell them how important their business is to me. Please hold.
@BigBBanter: Friend is going bungee jumping so I told him he was born because of a broken rubber and he could die the same way. He didn't laugh...