@NoogsCorner: Am I annoying yet? How about now? Now? Now? Now? How about now? Now? Now? Now? Maybe now? Now? Now? Meow? Meow? Meow? Meow? Meow? Meow?
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@bingowings14: My dad always used to say 'if you take care of the small things, the big things take care of themselves'. This cost him his job at the zoo.
@BuckyIsotope: I've only been eating 6 spiders instead of 8 every year so I'll have plenty for retirement.
@brendohare: On your first day of prison, go up to the biggest, scariest guy there, and ask him "Have you heard of updog?"
@NigelGrinstead: ME: My name is Nigel and I'm an alcoholic. AA GROUP: Hi Nigel. *cut to confessional camera* ME: I'm here to WIN, not to make friends.