@Bob_Heller: Am I deceitful? Yes. I am not.
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@smickable: My mom is having a hysterectomy. This is like the time I moved away to college and she tore down my childhood bedroom.
@AlexvanBeek: A spider so big you politely ask it to leave the premises & then sheepishly accept its refusal with all the dignity of a French surrender.
@JhonRules: When girls ask if I'm good in bed, I tell them "Of course, how hard is it to close your eyes and literally do nothing for 8 hours".
@Whitnuts: My liver's so black, it went to a respected college, got a great job, and made it's family very proud. Weren't expecting that, huh? Racist.