@rachelle_mandik: am i supposed to have a separate mouth with which to kiss my mother please advise
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@TheMichaelRock: Do women know that it's perfectly legal to apply makeup at home before they get in their car?
@AmishPornStar1: The Shining is my favorite Christmas movie about enjoying quality time with the family when you’re snowed in.
@XplodingUnicorn: The U.S. Army developed a pizza that stays good for 3 years. Finally, those billions in military spending paid off. Your move, Al Qaeda.
@TitaniumToplass: The bad news is we need to downsize on people named Jeremy, so you're fired. WHAT WAS THE GOOD NEWS? India's tiger population is up 30%!