@rachelle_mandik: am i supposed to have a separate mouth with which to kiss my mother please advise
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@shutupmikeginn: Ah yes keep complaining the guy at 7/11 doesn't speak English well enough, like you aren't the moron who needs help in a convenience store
@wittwitbarista: *2 days before payday* Me: CLEAR! Teller: I’m telling you that this is unnecessary Me: *places defibrillator onto check* I SAID “CLEAR”!
@Fickle_Filly: You know it's time to quit smoking when you laugh at a tweet and you sound like Muttley.
@LuvPug: My son- Can I have ice cream? Me- No, it's breakfast Him-The dog just pooped in the living room Me-Clean it up & you can have some ice cream