@CrystalMoon214: Am I the only one who gives people in my neighborhood names they don't know they have? a.k.a. "Running Man","Mustang Bob", "Blue truck dude"
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@SomthinBoutSara: Just dropped ranch dressing on my phone then licked it off. So some of you just got to first base with me.
@sirmunchie: Me to my Boss: Excuse me, sir, can I ask a stupid question. Boss: Better than anyone else I know...
@geekysteven: "Why didn't any of you go back and kill Hitler?" TIME TRAVELER: We prioritized stopping Zortho the Endless Scourge in 1935. "Who?" TT: Bingo
@WhaJoTalkinBout: Wearing shirts of bands you don't listen to is like refusing to eat the cupcake, but cool walking around with frosting all over your face.