@BetteMidler: Amal Clooney bought hubby George a riding lawnmower for his 55th birthday. I have never been so jealous of a garden tool in my life.
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@Black__Elvis: I wanted to major in marine biology but those guys get pretty upset when you follow them into the latrine with a tape measure.
@hellohappy_time: To hairstylist: [makes series of incomprehensible gestures around my head shape] so exactly that or I’ll cry