@BetteMidler: Amal Clooney bought hubby George a riding lawnmower for his 55th birthday. I have never been so jealous of a garden tool in my life.
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@thejessbess: First date: *puts entire onion ring in mouth* If yo'lik et ven yo'shoulla puh a wring owh it.
@XAIMMadellynne: I have a plan. I bring him home ,but don't sleep with him. Long story short he pays for the taxi.
@FreckleMcPickle: Been married so long it's almost like a first date. Husband is always wondering if he's even gonna make it to 1st base.
@FilthyRichmond: Fox News reports that President Obama rapped his oath in Arabic while cutting the head off a goat.