@ethanklapper: Not everyone in my family follows Apple news, my sister included

@nojeshua: I'm no fan of Smokey the Bear. He's just the first step on the slippery slope to vigilantism.

@3sunzzz: My son is suspended? Yes, in-school suspension. So he goes to school? Yes, but he's suspended. Suspended IN THE SCHOOL? Yes. Idiot.

@buhsbaby_baby: [before sex] Just so you know.. I can only be on top cause' I'm not gonna take my backpack off

@iAmDelFreaky: I just opened an Easy Bake Oven restaurant. Please call your order in, 17 hours prior to your arrival.